We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
