yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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