i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
