my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
