If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
