dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
