I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
