good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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