CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
