I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
