i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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