I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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