I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
