So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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