And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
