I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
