Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
