I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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