who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
