Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
