I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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