let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
