Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
