i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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