I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
