i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
