My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
