we have pet lesbian snakes
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
