I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
