I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
