I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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