So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
