if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
