either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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