i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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