i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
