I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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