we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
