My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Randomize
