idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
