So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
