She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She said her name was "party"
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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