I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
