sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
