I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
