I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
