No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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