I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
