yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
