He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
