my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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