we're chasing vodka with high fives
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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