I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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